Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
