We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
