Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
