I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
