I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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