Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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