capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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