This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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