Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
