That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
