I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
