dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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