Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
