I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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