is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
