I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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