Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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