Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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