We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
