I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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