My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
