you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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