I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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