someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
