once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
