Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
