im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
