hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
