This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
