My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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