trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
