So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She bit a glass in half.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
