He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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