You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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