this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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