Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
