I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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