He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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