I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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