The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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