i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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