he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
