There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize