in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
