Someone shit on the floor
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
