he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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