and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
