Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
