every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
