I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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