my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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