Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
