Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Everything about him screamed your future.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
