I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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