I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
