Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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