I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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