Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
