sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
