I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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