Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
