glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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