Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need to align my fucking chakras
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