my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
