I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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