I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize