he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
