Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
