Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
